Lughnasadh and Other things

Strange how on the days when the clouds and fog roll in are the days when I feel the most restless. Like I need to go out and DO something, which is odd because I don't like being cold and it is definitely chilly out there. I think if I could do anything today I'd go to the beach. Muir Beach or someplace similar where there are more rocks than beach and the cliffs dive off into the most beautifully haunting scenery. Have a bonfire and just listen to the waves. Hmm...really need to get a drivers license lol.

In any event, Lughnasadh went off fairly well I think. It definitely flew by me. I clearly recount, everything leading up to the ritual (I was very anxious to do a good job), but once it started time slipped away from me. It's happened before, usually when I'm painting, where I just get enveloped into the task/feeling and lose touch with the details and the time. Gotta say it was the first time I had a lot of speaking to do and it happened.

There was just a lot going on for me, and at the same time I wasn't thinking comprehensively. What I mean by that is, usually I'm a detailed thinker. This happens and then this because it connects with this and has the feeling of such and such ect. ect. ( I'm afraid some of my Wildflower brothers and sisters find that out at the planning session lol) But none of that was going through my mind at the ritual.

Maybe it's because I was warding and thus had to disconnect and engage at the same time, maybe it's because I called a Goddess who took an active interest in what I was up to, whatever the case everything was a blur. And I was amazing calm. I don't know if many people know this, I know that one of my coven sisters has witnessed it once but probably paid no heed. I get very nervous, when I was younger it was extreme stage fright and I couldn't really talk in groups. As time went by and I decided I didn't want to be the wallflower anymore I just sorta...well did the things that frightened me anyway. Remnants of that still remain, most noticeably my hands shake. Uncontrollably. In fact last Grove of Artemis when Rabbit told me I was to light the candles I had the damnedest time getting it done properly.

But not this time, not with Tailtu there. I don't even think there was a quiver in my voice, but I'll have to attested to others for that because well....I don't really remember clearly lol.

After the closing everything felt light and festive and just plain good. The Bannock was a hit, (at my house as well) and I got quite possibly the best compliment I could have imagined from a lovely Irishman that appears mysteriously at some of our rituals. He said I reminded him of his grandfather and told me all these wonderful tales and stories of childhood in Ireland, he was so charming and funny and he seemed genuinely impressed with the story of Delaney's Donkey I told that night. One of these days I will make it over there to Ireland, listening to him I felt so homesick for a place I've never been lol, silly me.

I truly enjoyed the group roundup after circle, I think that is something we should strive to do every circle. I like the evaluation, especially when so much of it was a blur to me. I was glad to find out that the ritual did run a little fast but it was hot, and that it wasn't completely my own reality of it. I was half expecting for ritual to be over and find out we had run long and then my head would have really been spinning.

I do love all my brothers and sisters, they are such special people. And they think I got some sort of something to bring to the table, and that is something I'll always treasure and strive to make them proud. So yay to everyone that is reading this, you know who you are, I love ya!

At some point though it hit me, this just plain old tired-ness. My feet ached as if I'd walked miles and miles, and really no matter how many time I walked around that circle that just didn't make sense. My throat felt hoarse and my whole body just felt like curling up into a ball and sleeping a very long uninterrupted sleep. And that is exactly what I did lol.

In the aftermath of it all, I got some very nice responses to my storytelling, so hopefully I won't be gun shy about it next time a story is needed and a traditional one just cannot be found. To go ahead to piece what we need together again lol.

Well now that I've gushed and probably made very little sense, I think it's time to get off the computer. I think I might go outside and pull weeds or something, this cooped up feeling is just not working for me.

Slán go fóill

Branwen