Musings about the Middle and Home

I was born under a wandering star.

It's true. After spending almost all of my childhood in constant motion, where five years in one place seemed like a life time. It left a deep impression on my pysche. Mainly that I get a deep boned since of satisfaction traveling. Just getting in the car and driving for an hour or two on the open road just makes me happy. No destination needed it's all about the travel.

This has caused problems for me in the past, namely since I'm no longer under the orders of the US Marine Corps, and don't have to move every two years, I'll find myself getting restless, and grumpy, and just discontent if things get too....regular? Luckily, Bran doesn't mind driving around aimlessly on the weekends, and enjoys the mini-vacation himself. So when things get too familiar he doesn't mind throwing down a couple hundred bucks for a weekend somewhere else. And I have the good fortune to have friends and family across the country whom I can occasionally go and see.

Which is good, because I love to fly.

So you're asking where is all this going? Why this indulgence on your living habits?

Well my good friends it is so you all can have a better idea of the bigger picture when I say.

I have never been more happy to be home from a trip in my life. Ever. Ever.

While I did enjoy my plane rides, as I have this deep seated love of being in the sky. They rest of it just didn't need to occur.

To begin with the circumstances of this trip was less than desirable, it's never fun to have to rush off to a loved ones hospital bed. The fact that is was in Illinois in the middle of flat nothing and cold helped nothing.

I'm just not a middle America kinda gal, as Illinois now rates as my number two most hated state in the US. (Nebraska is number one in case you were wondering)

The stay was...difficult. A half hysterical mother, a stressed out brother, and a boat load of family members that have all their own issues and only make things worse.

It was eye opening on some level. I bonded with my older Brother as never before, though under very unfortunate circumstances. And I got to see some of the reasons as to why my mother is the way she is. Which was somewhat painful in itself.

See my grandfather, is sexist. He's really the first man that I've ever met who I could apply that label to.

Now he's not sexist in the speaking horrible things about or too women type of chauvinistic pig. No in many ways he's much worse and more damaging to his girls I think. He is charming and a complete flirt with any female in the area, be it nurse or waitress. So where is the harm?

The harm is in he's complete dissmisal of them, of what their saying, of their opinions, or their feelings. It doesn't matter if their a doctor or a nurse, if a man told him something it would be the gossple if the same thing was uttered from a woman's lips he'd smile politely but disregard it.

It was bizzare to watch, not that it had much of an effect on me. He's an old man from another time and place who is quickly losing his grasp of things and can no longer be trusted to make decisions for the better of himself. But the effect on my mother was heartbreaking.

To watch her continue to try and garner favor, validation and praise from a man who simple brushed her off, belittled her concerns, and called her emotions hysterics was just too much for me. I found myself herding her out of the room, anything to get her distracted. There wasn't much I could do, afterall there is no way to teach someone how to not feel rejected by their parents.

Oh the crazy twisted cycles of growing up. How we all get messed up, but our parents (for the most part) did there best. I realize now, that those injuries I suffered from my Mom as a kid, she really couldn't help. There were things missing from her childhood that she just couldn't give me because no one gave it to her.

But she did an amazing job with what she had, above and beyond the parenting that was given to her.

So while I am beyond words happy to be home, I recognize that this was a worthy trip for me to take.

But man oh man there is no place like home lol.

Branwen