Just one of those days...

Cats are truly wonderful things. Ok so I think animals in general are wonderful, but currently it is a cat sitting in my lap purring contently avidly seeking my attention as if I were the most awesome best person in the universe, so for now it is the felines that get the most praise.

I don't know if Una just felt this morning that I wasn't in the best of moods and came to cheer me up, or if she herself wasn't feeling so great and needed some extra attention. But either way it's nice. Orangies have always been one of my favs. Even the goofy ones.

From The Goblin and the Fairy

Saturday evening was Loverly, thanks to everyone who came. I had a blast. The Absinthe was delicious the company was more than charming and the movies were perfectly bloody. It was a full house but just the right number of folks came that it wasn't too jammed full. I think we will most certaintly be having similar evenings in the future.

So what's wrong with today? Nothing in particular, I have many things I need to do, however I lack the...initiative to do any of them. I literally just laid in bed for two hours thinking of nothing or at least very little. Which for me is an amazing and scary feat.

I just feel rather useless these days.

Now before I begin on this train of thought please let it be known that this is just me venting and what not in one of my down spells and that it will pass so try not to worry about it.

So yay useless...I haven't had steady work in over three months, and frankly it's getting to me. It's not a dire situation or anything, Bran and I can live and have lived quite comfortably on his salary alone so it's no big deal, and he often tries to encourage me to not fret and indulge myself. But I can't. I don't feel like I'm contributing anything, and I just feel...lost.

I don't know where or what I'm suppose to do anymore. There was a time when everything was laid out and straight and I had goals and it was groovy. But then a hurricane of shite came through and I'm still picking up the pieces.

Should I continue to go to school? If so, what do I get a degree in?? What job would I have after school? Do I want to just get a job? What job? What the fuck am I qualified for?

Do I give up Animation and try my hand at being a history teacher? Is there another option I'm not seeing yet?

Questions, questions, questions, and no answers.

I feel double the guilt in this state of none being. I am not only not contributing towards Bran and I's future and household, but I'm not fullfilling my families expectations of me. I know family honor and duty is an antiquated concept in todays society but it means something to me. My folks always believed in me, always no matter what hair brained idea I came up with they had this weird unwavering faith that I was going to make something of myself. And what if I don't? Is it because I squandered opportunities and myself or is it because whatever they thought they saw wasn't really there?

Too many questions. None of them really making me feel any better. As of yet the Gods are decidedly silent on the subject, so I guess this is one of those things that this little mortal has to figure out for herself. Yipee.

Well enough self-pity and prattle. I think I'll take a walk, some fresh air and then tidy up the house. It's the least I can do.