New Look!

Ok so I got distracted even further from what I should be doing.

But as a result we have a new look for the blog! Nothing too fancy, added a background img and a new header but oh well it's something at least.

That's my namesake up there in the header, I'm quite fond of her new design if I do say so myself.

For those who don't know. I create characters and stories, it's a habit of mine from well... from being born probably. And somewhere in the years of my life I started re-creating the Arthur legend to fit my fancy, because none have satisfied me thus far.

In the evolution of that story (which is still on going) a character Branwen was created. She's the Celtic pagan side of the coin in my story which has a running theme of compare and contrast of Paganism and Christianty, and poor Arthur stuck in the middle of it all trying to make everyone work together (Why can't we all get along?)

She was created long before I ever took up the name myself, but I don't think she minds.

From Pendragon

Here is one of the orignal concept pieces I did of her about seven or so years ago. She's changed in desing since this drawing but I still like the idea and should probably do an update to this.

From Pendragon

Here is a side by side comparison of her old design (left) and new design (right). Basically I changed her hair color and texture and made her face more lean (that and my drawing skills improved lol). Her general attire is in various stages of armour, (and yes I do want to have made armour similar in the future)

From Pendragon

And this is a just a sketch dump of various character drawings. The left is a young Branwen (age 13 or so) And older cermional Branwen, Arthur and Gweniever. For the record ( as I have documented proof to back me!) I made Arthur's design years before I ever met Bran, any similarity you see between the two is pure coincedence or fate depending on your beliefs, so there =P

Also Lancelot was orignial in that sketch as well but frankly he anatomy was HORRIBLE so I cut him out lol. Still haven't really nailed down his design as of yet.

But yay...

So now you all are privy to more of the craziness that is my mind lol, it keeps me entertained at least.

Off to do things she should...maybe.

Branwen

Holiday Week!

That's right folks it's holiday week, which means a lot of busy-beeing around in an exterme busy badger mode. And I gotta say so far...so good ^__^

I'm currently being bad and recline in my lovely computer chair with a very cuddly kitty on my lap instead of doing the various other things I need to but ahh well. One of which is I need to get batteries for my camera so I can show off my cuddle hellions to the interwebs.

So it's the middle of my week and what have I accomplished thus far??

Monday:
Cleaned house
Baked three dozen Snicker doodles
Made Potato Soup
Fixed broken Christmas ornaments
Hung Lights
Put up more decorations
Bought Dad's Present

Tuesday:
Went to work and earned money for Bran's present
Bought tapestry for very draft back door
Went food shopping for more baking supplies

Wednesday:
Bake another batch (or two) of Snicker Doodles
Bake a batch of Rum waffers
Write letters
Start Yule Dress
Deposit money in account
Pay Bills
Wrap Presents that we do have
Get Molasses for Ginger Snaps
Possibly go to Craft Night at the Well

Thursday:
Anything that did not get accomplished on Wednesday
Bake a shit load of Ginger Snaps (4 to 5 batches for various folk)
Bake Yule Log??
Finish Switch Witch gift
Finish Yule Dress
Wrap presents/ respond to Cards
Make sure Dad's gift will be here

Friday:
Go to Work
Procure Bran's gifts
Eat
Go to Amazon Yule (possibly bring cookies)

Saturday:
Finish Christmas Shopping
Finish Wrapping
Call Dad
Go Caroling
Go to Yule

Yep that's what my week looks like. Or at least in theory. Haven't decided if I'm going to go to my Folks on Monday of next week or not, I feel bad because Dad is home pretty much alone ( The cats count as more company than my reclusive teenage brother does) but then on the other hand if I leave Bran will be alone all week. Choices. Stupid job only giving Bran Christmas and the day after off wtf is that? Ah well I'll probably go, and take the hellions with me which will be interesting. I'm sure my mom's cats will have a conniption fit. Five cats in one house isn't too many is it? lol At least the kittens are small.

Okay enough procrastination much to do only a week to do it in.


Happy holidays!

Branwen

Breath in, Breath out. Coughing need not apply

Poor little blog like so many journals before you, you have been neglected. I am sorry for that, truly I am. And since I'm recovering from illness I suppose I have the time and inclination needed for you at the moment.

I'm looking for a new layout, but as per usually now appeal to me and I may or may not attempt to design my own.

So what's happening in the my world of paganism...Things are going good actually, seems like all the big scary stuff is over and done with and we've done so many things and had to improvise that it really is becoming second nature to plan and prepare for ritual and then throw it all out the window and think on the fly lol.

We did the big ritual for the Elderflowers, where we fabulous people made up a ritual from scratch all on our own and it went together like budda' (you have to say that out loud to get my real intent there ^_~ lol) Somehow all ten of us got a theme together and what we wanted to take away from this ritual and everything else just fell into place. I was really proud of everyone, we even managed to have one meeting end pretty much on schedule (huzzah for that my good friends) And I even more proud to say that I heard everyone's voice on this one, it didn't seem to me at least that anyone wasn't getting air time, and everyone was speaking clearly and from the heart and that is awesome.

The actual ritual itself was much more.....challenging shall we say? lol It worked out in the end quite perfectly as things do. There was some turbulence on the way involving miscommunication, room confusion, and agitated yoga people. But we swung with it, to our benefit I think, and with our powers combined made our own space in the lovely Sacred Well.

It was magical. Everyone was a star in my book, and honestly I think that ritual holds some real power and strength that others should go through. Something about looking yourself in the eye in a mirror and speaking with intention is incredibly difficult and incredibly empowering.

We rocked, I don't think I can say that enough because it's true.

Let's see what else is going on's in the spiritual realm. My year and day with the Wildflower's draw ever nearer and I'm looking forward to that, not that the journey will be over (it's never really over and there are other projects stirring in the CAYA pot that make me very excited) but at the accomplishment that everyone will have achieved after all the hard work.

And as one cycle ends another begins. I did put in an application for Rabbit's Amazon Dianic Training, so more fun and work is in the stars for me. I honestly don't know how that's going to go, I feel deep down in my bones it's something I should do, but it really does make me nervous. I think in my nervousness I have inadvertently ruffled some feathers recently on the subject as well, and I am sorry for that.

Out of that though, I did have several really good conversations with some truly amazing women, whom I have the privilege to call friends. Thank you ladies, we'll no doubt be talking more often.

Essentially I need stop over thinking things and just go with it, obviously something told me that there is something valuable that I need on the that path, I need to stop second guessing, swallow my doubts and just walk forward and see how things go. I don't know why I'm so nervous as I already know almost everyone that has already gone through it, and love them and indeed have many things in common with.

Maybe it's some sort of fear of losing who I am. Even within the Wildflower training at times it was difficult to reconcile how to proceed and not abandon the things that I hold to be true in a Celtic spiritual sense. I've had to compartmentalize mentally, while in CAYA circles, I adhere to the set CAYA ritual outlines because it works and helps bring so many different and wonderful people together. So in that community, it doesn't matter that I personally already believe the space is sacred and closed just by us being there, we cast circle to help foster that community it is more important.

The harder one I simply just chalk up to different belief patterns. The official CAYA stance is a Universalist Perspective, that while each deity has a distinct aspects that may appeal and inspire relevant to humans, all are ultimately part of the same Universal Divine Force, as fingers to a hand or leaves to a tree.

That's not my personal practice or belief, all the Gods' are different individuals separate from each other. They may have been formed from bigger primordial forces but that doesn't mean they can be interchanged for one another to me. But I have found that it hasn't really been an issue, no one has asked me to claim that I believe that and I don't think they will.

This may become a bigger thing in the Dianic path that I'll have to find a way to reconcile with myself, it may not. I think I just have to stop worrying.

Easier said than done.

Especially since as I sit here I wonder more and more if my reason to doing this is the supposed proper one for doing it. I want to have a better relationship with women, with myself and with Goddesses. That's my intent in going into this. I can relate to certain women, to certain Goddesses, but other leave me squirming. The moon circle with Aphrodite comes to mind, I don't believe I have ever felt so out of place than in that circle.

Is that enough of a reason to go through a year and a day training that in the end will make me a Priestess of that path?? Honestly I thought so, but maybe not. I didn't enter into the Wildflower's tradition for the intent and purposes of becoming a "Priestess" in fact I don't even think I realized that was what I was doing. The title honestly isn't important to me, it enables me to continue to help with the hard work and having a hand in keeping the community I love moving froward, to give back to the people who have been there for me. That's the big thing to me. Yes it's nice to know that if I wanted or needed I could start a circle of my own but that's the gravy not the main course.

*deep breath* Too much thinking. It's hard not to though when you're laid out on the couch, impulsively checking your e-mail for outside input lol. Man I'm lame.

Ok enough of this endless prattle. Whoever made it this far kudo's to you for transverseing the meandering mind that is mine and coming out alive. I wish you well. lol

Merry Yuletidings!

Branwen

The Night of Nights has passed

*collective huge ass sigh of release*

What a wilde ride that was. Quite possibly the craziest month of October I have yet to experience. Soooo much happened I hardly know where to begin. There was much crafting and sewing happening (though not as much as there should have been and I apologize to everyone that I wasn't able to help) and in the end I think Rowan and I both managed to look smashing. I'll have to get her to take a pic of her fabulous cloak for me as really there is no other way to truly appreciate it other than to see it.

On top of that I think it's safe to say my "priestess" skills where tested and I think I came out ok. It started with the Grove meeting early in the month where I discovered that a good portion of the ritual was hinging on the story of Persephone and Demeter, and guess who was responsible for that? Yay you guessed it.

Needless to say I was nervous. The story can be controversial in many different ways and I tend to lean towards a more romantic version of the tale. It does happen to be one of my favorite myths and I wanted to do it justice. After consulting with the lovely Iris, and brainstorming with my supportive and clear sighted Man, I figured out a way to weave the story without touching on the portions that wouldn't pertain to a woman's journey. In the end I managed to get it it all out without stumbling or stuttering or pausing too long, huzzah to that! And I think everyone enjoyed it, and I really had a good time tailoring it to the ritual. The ritual turned out beautifully.

After the brief stint of being consumed by Persephone and her story it was back to Samhain and the Band Sidhe. I ceased to be nervous about it so much as just felt numb lol, after many hang out sessions with my covenmates, I just decided to go with it and whatever would happen would happen. And as the time drew near I became so focused on getting everything done for the ritual and I didn't have time to freak out till the half hour or so in the car on the way with Rowan.

The new space was immense, and the energy was buzzing. As soon as we got there, there was no more time to fret because there was just so much more to do. Setting up the altar, which turned out beautifully, setting out the food, getting dressed and prepped. The people started filing in and the gong was gonged and silence began.

And then we were all alone with our thoughts. I think that's when the nerves came back. I couldn't help but think of my Grandmother who recently passed, the family drama that has arisen from it, my Grandfather that I never knew but who was always a presence in my life, my beautiful cat Logan who passed away so tragically young. And how much I wanted to do them all proud, and how I wanted to make all my covenmates proud, nor let down all the patrons that came out to celebrate with us.

Silence was over and we all filtered into the antichamber and it was time to be grounded, it was time to sink or swim. Rabbit took us through a meditation and I saw her, the Band Sidhe, and it was....emotional. There is all this mystery about the Band Sidhe, even a song that asks whether she is a beautiful princess or a twisted hag.

For me she is tragically beautiful. Haunting ethereal eyes, blood shot and red from endless tears that will never cease to fall. She was bright and young and stunning once, but has given in to grief and rage and it has colored her for eternity. A ghostly image of our mortal suffering that we all must face and embrace if we ever hope to reach our true potential.

I can't describe what I was thinking about as I sat up there, I don't know, I couldn't focus. I felt this barely controlled rage, grief, and pure emotional inside, and when I was my turn there was no more holding back. I can't say the words that were said, though I could summarize the point, it was more about the emotion for me.

I have to give a heartfelt thanks to all my coven for being so supportive and helping me get my grounding back afterwards. Maya, I can't tell you how much it meant to me for you to be there when I sat down, it was truly comforting. Leticia, thank you for the sisterly hand in the middle of the ritual. And to each and everyone that lent me a caring gaze, hug and understanding support. It is an amazing feeling being amongst a group of people so powerful, understanding, and loving as this one.

From what I could tell everyone was AMAZING, and the night went on without a hitch. With the crowning of our new Winter King and Queen the somber mood was lifted in joyous celebration, two more deserving people could not have been chosen. Congratulation Mark and Rowan you two are a truly inspiring couple and I know that only good things will be founded under your reign.

The Spiral Dance, what can I say about the spiral dance other than it was truly an experience to be experienced. So many joyous powerful voices, so much energy and good will. NOTHING compares.

It was an amazing cleansing, emotionally draining, wonderful, sad, joyous, magical evening. I am truly blessed and thankful to have taken part in it.

I think it was helpful for me to get out all the sadness of my Grandmother's death that evening, especially in light of the situations that seem to be occurring with my family and the house.

As an update, no my drunk Uncle will not be moving into the upstairs. Thank the Gods for that.

But some more things are on the horizon and in general it seems like boundaries need to be set and respect needs to be established. Band Sidhe, Morrigan, and Dagdha give me the strength to say what needs to be said, and make happen what needs to be happen.

It sad but true that today family means little, and money erases good sense from people.

I've always said that the saying Blood is thicker than water, was invented by the less deserving relatives. And sadly this childhood belief has proven true.

The wheel has turned, and the times turned dark, the rain returns to us (Blessing upon the Gods!) and the Holidays approach. May everyone find comfort on these cold dark nights.

Thanks for reading, thanks for living, thanks for simply being.

Oh and GO VOTE!!!

Branwen

The need to vent

And that's what blogs are for right? Good so know that the following is me expressing pent up frustrations and unresolved anger.

I do not trust my family. Isn't that a sad thing to say? But it's true. I am a person who believes in judging people on their actions and my family has proven with their actions that they cannot be relied upon to do what is right, nor to have my best interests in mind.

I feel wronged by them, and have felt this way for a while and will probably always feel this way. And maybe these feelings aren't valid but they exsist and I guess it's about time I brought them to light.

When I was fresh out of highschool I was moved in with my grandmother here in Berkeley as a way to jump start me into thinking about my future. Shortly there after my uncle who was going through a divorce and getting rid of his house moved in with us as well.

At first everything was fine, my uncle though dramatic was a nice enough guy and while my grandmother and I clashed heads often it wasn't horrible. And then the drinking started. My uncle you see is an alcoholic and suffers from post-polio syndrome, along with a slue of other psychological issues he has accumulated over his life.

I went through the emotions of feeling bad for him, trying to help him, tough love and then just disgust. Things got hard fast. He would drink a week away, it became a game of hiding the keys, looking for the signs and praying he would sober up. My grade plumetted, and I had to switch my enrollment to web-classes because I couldn't trust him home alone with my 86 year grandmother, he wasn't violent towards myself or her but he was angry and if he just knocked her over would have been enough.

Her health declined, and while I was desperate to get him out of the house, she couldn't bring herself to kick him out. No one could apparently. despite my frequent pleas to my father and my mother and even to my other Uncle, nothing was done. It was grandmothers house only she could kick him out.

Things went from bad to worse as the drinking continued and my accesses to the computer and my classes were effectively cut off by his rampages. And while I tried to get the money together for a laptop my grades and attendance levels finally reached the point of suspension.

Life was miserable, dark, depressing and repressive. Everyone acted like the drunken episodes never happened once he sobered up, the house was filled with seething tension. I couldn't understand why no one would help, why no one would DO anything. I tried to get Grandma to spur into action but she flatly refused, said I didn't understand you can't just kick out your son. I called Dad daily in near tears but nothing, he's hands were tied it was grandmother's house.

It was the first time my Dad ever let me down.

And maybe that's not fair, but I was a kid who had never had to see anything so serious and dark before in my life, never had to deal with something so rank as the situation I was in and he just left me there! And I know he didn't mean for it to feel that way, and loves me and never wanted any of that to happen but it did and he did.

If it weren't for Bran during those times I honestly don't know what would have become of me. I had no friends then, no social network, my whole life was being consumed by the health and welfare of my grandmother and binges of my uncle.

Once it became obvious that the situation wasn't going to change and that no one was going to act, we did. We moved. It was hard, overcoming the sense of responsibility towards my grandmother and the guilt of leaving her. But it was becoming more and more obvious that if we stayed we would be consumed as well.

And we did, and it was the best thing we could have done.

Then about six months after moving out we get asked by a very weak grandma (more like told) to move back , my uncle was gone and in his wake he left a feable old woman who had aged more in the three years he lived with her than I had ever seen. She could barely walk, and with the help of my Dad we got her moved into a place with round the clock care.

A few months later, April of this year she died.

And now...now we've taken the house that was my prison and turned it into a home. Both my father and my other Uncle say the house has more life in it than they can ever recall. Life had settled and I was looking forward to a few years of getting on track and just being young.

But the curse of family rears his ugly head again. Today I received a call from my father, who had just spoken with my apparently drunk uncle, who had let slip that he would like to kick out our upstairs tenants and move in himself.

And in that short amount of time all the anger and depression was back. I've never come so close to hating anyone in my life as truly as this man, so bent on ruining all the calm and peace that I have finally cultivated.

Logically it makes no sense for them to allow it, as he has proven himself time and time again to be untrustworthy. How could he be dependent upon to pay a rent check, and even more so dependent upon to deposit the other tenants rent check (for there is no way in this world or any other that I would live in the same structure as him ever again). In his drunken spells he is known to destroy things, why trust him with the family estate.

Logic tells me not to worry.

But I don't trust them. I don't trust them to tell him no, to do what is right, to give me what little peace that I think is my due.

I don't want to leave this house, I don't want to return to a state of constant worries and what if's , planning out several modes of survival. But what choice do I have?


I'll do everything in my power, mundane and otherwise to keep him out of this house and out of my life. In the mean time it's time to prepare for the worst, find a stable job, get a license, and squirrel away money.

I Pray to the Dadga, Danu, Lugh, and Morrigan that we don't lose our home
I pray to the Land, Sea and Sky
That this may all pass us by
Without harm nor disruption
May the Tuatha give me the strength to defend my home from those notorious souls
So mote it be

Rest, Relaxation, Paganism, and Cowboys, oh my!

I've read many an article stating that people in our society are just over stressed and part of that reason is that so few people take time off to just rest and relax. They pass up their vacation time out of fear of the looming pile of work that they'll have to clean up when they get back.

Let me state for the record: Take time off. Whenever possible. For as little and long as possible. It can only do you good.

I feel sooo much better from just one little weekend a couple hours away that it's ridiculous. I can only imagine what a whole week would do.

Through the amazing resource that is craigslist.com, found this charming sounding cabin for rent up in the Ukiah area. It is a stunning cabin owned by two lovely ladies Calla and LaRou in San Fran and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone looking for a nice get away in the woods.

Affordable and homey, I was very impressed and surprised at the same time. Bran and I had decided that we both were in need of a rest and relaxation retreat to recharge our batteries before the chaos of the holidays hit us full swing. It was meant to be a weekend to leave everything behind and just exist out in the woods, do some hiking, and just breath. Away from the city, and the hussle and bussle of our everyday lives.

I had no idea it was going to turn out to be so...pagan lol.

After the adventure of trying to transverse windy mountain back roads, in the dark, the rain, and the fog, we reached our destination in safety and good humor. The cabin was cozy, a woodburning stove ready at the waiting for Bran to fire it up in all it's glory, a HUGE bathtub that I was itching to climb into and a charming loft bedroom.

As we both commenced the very natural habit of snooping around before settling down (I attribute it to the same as a dog smelling around to make sure it the right and good place to sleep) we started to notice some little things that made us laugh. A few books with auspicious titles such as The Power of Crystals and their Uses. On the bedside table two bumper stickers casually layed out "Beware of Dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup" and "Magic Happens" needless to say my pagan-o-meter was up and I wasn't surprised to find a lovely goddess necklace and statue in the bathroom.

Somehow out of all the cabins I looked into renting, out of all the places I could have taken us, it was the one that wound up being suspiciously pagan lol!

We had a sinfully unhealthy but throughly enjoyable breakfast of our favorite delicacies, biscuits and gravy for him, and cinnamon rolls and lil' smokies for me. Yum. Yum. Yum!

Twittered away the drizzly morning, watching a funny little VHS cartoon of halloween and witches, and soaking in the Tub of Glory. Whilst in the tub, which has a fantastic view of the trees and woods that envelope the cabin, I looked up to see a ghostly skeletal face staring directly at me made up of the branches, leaves and light of the trees. It was so stunning clear it was startling.

I've been fretting and frittering for the past couple of weeks about Samhain and my part therein, about not really having made a tangible connection with my deity and how this may effect.

Yay.

I'm not anymore lol. Seeing that in the trees, was some sort of tap that just made everything calm and alright. A calling card of sorts that just said, "Don't worry. I'm watching. I'll be there."

I also had a dream on Saturday night, that I have a feeling was somehow connected though I can't say why other than a feeling. In my dream I was laying in bed at he cabin looking out the window that was beside the bed. While looking at the tree tops they suddenly started to go by like they were moving, I remember thinking to myself how odd it was since trees didn't move. Then I realized that I was the one moving, I was flying through the trees. Now I've never had a flying dream to my recollection and was struck by that thought as I went whipping through the topmost branches. The wind licked against my skin and I could literally feel it's cool kiss. I could feel the chill and damp of the clouds that skittered by.
I remember looking down at the valleys and hills, and seeing a large horse standing over a grave in deep sadness, and a little ways off a hound lay under a twisted magnificent oak tree also with an aire of melancholy. It was so sad, and so beautiful.

Then I woke up. But unlike most my other dreams I remembered this one, with great clarity.

Oh those strange riddles that dreams are.

Didn't go hiking as intended, to wet and rainy, and not any real trails close to the cabin. So instead we decided to go to downtown Ukiah and see if there was anything there to see. We'd been through before and had seen this neat looking shop called Dragon's Lair which wasn't open then, but lucky us it was this time.

And dontcha know it, it was a pagan shop lol! With some very awesome sales and generally neat things in it. We literally could have spent all our bank account in there, but we restrained ourselves to a very cool poster of a dragon warrior woman, and a lovely necklace that was on sale that screamed at me lol. While we were checking out I was kicking myself a bit for not having a CAYA postcard to put up on their board, and wandered over to look at the notices on a whim.

As I drew near my eye immediately catches on the visage of Kris Kristofferson, to those of you not savy to the awesomeness of the original Outlaws of Country music, Kris is a country music legend, having played with the other giants Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Wayland Jennings and others. Needless to say Bran and I are huge ol' country fans, and lo and behold the great Kris Kristofferson was going to be at a concert there in Ukiah on that Sunday!! I got all excited and showed it to Bran and there was no doubt we were going. After eating at the Ukiah Brew Pub an all organic brewing company and restaurant, we set off to try and find the the Chambers of Commerce to purchase tickets from.

I will give this advice to all travelers, if you need to find a location and you happen to pass by a library, go in and ask them. Library's are extraordinarily useful places for finding things, for if the librarian does not know they have maps of the city.

Also if you are in the new town and plan on kicking around, go to either the welcoming center or the chamber of commerce. Both places are chock full of pamphlets, maps, and booklets with the local information (and coupons!) armed with this info you can find anything in the city.

I made a scrumpitous pot of potato soup for dinner on Saturday (which I also gave as an offering on Sunday to the lovely woodland spirits) and we took our sup with the accompaniment of Sleepy Hallow, in keeping with the Halloween mood. More soaking in the tub (we were horrible water wasters lol) and just enjoyed the quite company of one another.

In general it is decided that neither or us wish to live in the city. Bran feels he just doesn't fit in quite right, and feels much more at home in the country side. And I, while I don't know that I have a home pre say, other than maybe the road lol. But I have come to enjoy the country more than the city, it's too loud, too busy, and just too...much I guess. I like simple things and the woods. I'd like it very much if someday we could live out in wither Santa Rosa or Ukiah on a farm, raising heritage cattle and the like. Close enough to the city to drive in and do exciting events only a city can offer but far enough away to relax. Either that or to have two homes, one to escape to.

Ukiah is really a lovely place, the landscape it beautiful and majestic. An odd and prefect blend of country ranchers and loggers, and old hippies and pagan new age folk. That was quite apparent at the concert, so many different interesting people all coming together for a benefit concert for the firefighters who had so much work to do this year. I think we will defiantly be going back.

All and all it was a lovely, unexpected, perfect weekend. And I feel ready to take on all the holidays stress and motion, and am re-excited about future plans and things on their way. I'm ready for whatever the season has to throw at me, ready and willing lol.

No longer burnt out,
Branwen

Adventures in olfactory and other thoughts

Apparently we can look forward to some very strange days ahead of us. What with it being October and the natural thickness of the veil well...not being so thick, and the added impact of Pluto surging (still need to look more into that) AND Mercury in retrograde, you have yourself one hell of a month.

And Hell's bells did it start out strange. If you have contact with me today you've probably already heard this story and thusly have my permission to skip ahead, but it's a tale I'd like to put on the records so humor me.

I started my day as I usually do, loaded up my iPod and headed out the door for work, before I reached the bottom of my porch my senses were invaded with the smell of rain. I throughly enjoy the smell of impending rain and took a moment to savor the unique and rare aroma before heading back in the house for a jacket on the prediction of precipitation in the near future.

Heading up Dwight throughly enjoying my brisk walk pounding the pavement to the beat of Rammstein (which I definitely need to get more of) and as I stop at Shattuck waiting for my walk light I'm hit with the most horrible wall of rank raw sewage stench ever to be wiffed by my poor little nose.

Let the record state quite clearly, that I am not accustomed to being mowed down by smells often. I have your average human nostrils that can detect scent, but surely not at any hyper-sensitive levels as some (my mother specifically comes to mind)

I had to stop and check both my shoes for fear that I had stepped in something vile and of human bio-production. But thankfully, both soles proved clean. Yet the smell lingered, oppressively from all sides. With no source in sight I hurriedly jaunted up the street trying to out run the stench.

As my trek took me to the Telegraph my nose was again accosted by smell, this time the distinctive smell of wet rotting garbage (yummy no?). It was just hanging there in the air around the Andronico's, no garbage in site. Not a can, nor truck that the eye could see and yet by my nose's estimation I should have been standing next to the City dump on a rainy day.

The trifecta of this smelling extravaganza was at this point causing me some preponderance, especially seeing as the last two were of an oddly foul nature for our society that is for the most part past the time period of waste and sewage being an everyday olfactory experience.

I questioned my coworkers if they too had smelled the foul smells afoot in Berkeley this morn, I questioned those on my gmail chat in the area, all answered in the negative.

Granted a part of me would have chalked it all up to a "weirdo Branwen's reality sharply differing from actual reality" but after a talk with one of my coven sister's over a delicious bottle of cider about the negative effects self-doubt can play on ones growing spiritual ability. I decided to take it at face value as I smelled some weirdo stuff that no one else did and was a good chance it had something to do with the Otherworld. Bob's your uncle, Mary's your aunt and that's that.

But wait my story gets better. No actually it does , on my way back to work from lunch, once again bad assly pounding pavement to the melody of Drowning Pool and an Incubus cover (noticing a theme here? Yes October has heralded in Branwen's Heavy Rock Genre of music, well at least heavy for me anyways lol) And once again I'm stopped in my tracks by the fragrance in my nasal glands. This time it was a much more pleasant experience in that it was like I'd just walked into a grand field of flowers, it was beautiful smell, very feminine though I could not pin down the specific pedal that create the effect. And once again I found myself on a street without a floral in sight.

It was simply odd. Especially for me. See I don't usually have those spiritual otherworldly experiences. Generally speaking I'm too distracted by thoughts and images in my head to pay attention to THIS plan of existence let alone what's beyond it.

I'm not entirely certain what to take from it either. My coven brother brought up an intriguing notion that scents and memories are interconnected and that I had walked between the worlds for a bit. Which I find somewhat hair raising...well for at least two of the spots anyways. It does make me somewhat glad that I haven't the gift of sight to the otherside, I don't necessarily want to know what it was I walked through on Shattuck. Though I suppose it could have just been the goblins as they aren't the most hygenic of creatures...but even they I don't think would smell of human waste.

In any event I will be keeping my eyes and nose open as I head off into the wilderness this weekend.

That's right folks as much as I love you all, and as much as I enjoy participating and being busy and having stuff to do, there is that part of me that is going a little bit stir crazy being here in the city. The wandering star I was born under has been pulsating for the past month or so and if I don't relieve it now I'm sure to go balls to the wall mad these holidays.

So I found this nice cabin out in the back forty up by Willits, 20 acres of wildreness to explore and not a neighbor in sight, rented it out for the weekend and am THROUGHLY looking forward to the seclusion with my favorite person on earth.

Two whole days of being out in the country, preparing good food and breathing forest air. No cable or TV to further enrage my sense of unjustice and despair in the state of our nation. No crappy neighbors to be annoyed with or having to worry about our noise level. I can scream and holler, and chant and bang drums, and howl till the sun rises and no one will give a damn. I am so excited I could bump the moon.

Plus I'm hoping to do some real communing out there in the woods, hopefully I can make a real solid connection to my aspecting deity. Maybe if I'm farther away from the white noise of town I'll be able to open up those channels better. Who knows maybe I'll have an ephiany.

So this is one white raven signing off for the weekend, hope all you fabulous folks enjoy your weekends while you have them. I have a feeling this holiday season is going to be...interesting lol.

Branwen

Remember Remember...

Remember remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I can think of no reason the Gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.

...

V for Vendetta, a very powerful movie, a very powerful and relevant story. I suggest to anyone who hasn't seen it to go out and rent it immediately. It is a story of people, it is a story of times turning dark and amidst the fear and uncertainty that only tragedy can bring, the public, the people surrendering their power, their unalienable rights. And for what? For the veneer of safety covering the shackles of tyranny?

It's about the silence of consent of the people, and the reawakening of public. The rise of revolution.

A little rebellion now and then...is a medicine necessary for the sound health of government.
- Thomas Jefferson

Why am I bringing this up? Because the parallels are beyond coincident, we as a country are heading down a traveled trail to a government that is fundamentally against everything our forefathers stood for.

A tragedy struck, 9/11 shook the foundation of our society. It was unlike anything that had been experienced in lifetimes. It was something that I will never forget and impressed itself on the very fabric of my soul. Many people say this, and many people like myself go on to say that we shouldn't allow the fear of that day of that moment to rule our goodsense and rob us of that which we worked so hard for.

In response I have many a time been told, that I didn't understand. The rest of the country didn't get the real fear of the act. And perhaps that is true, but will say I understand better than most.

On the day of 9/11 my and my family were stationed on Camp Pendleton, the largest military base on the west coast and one of the largest military bases of the country. It's not a topic that I speak of often, but to better understand why I feel how I feel, this must be shared. Though we were across the country of the attacks I can say that it struck to the core of everyone stationed on that base. America was under attack, war would dictate that an attack on the largest military base of the country not out of the question. School was pandemonium, would we be allowed back on base, back to our families, never before had I.D. cards seemed so important. Jets flew overhead, usually an uneventful sight, now full of fear and wonder, "Are they friend or foe?"

It was one thing to live on a base, full of tanks and M.P.'s with M-16's and another to see them go from sedentary statues of symbolism to being moving machines of war. Being 16 and sitting on a school bus wringing our hands with worry, kicking yourself for living your I.D. card at home. Seeing those guards search the bus, search our bookbags, one by one, realizing for the first time that those M-16 were fully loaded. Rushing home to a mother half-hysterical with worry. Dad hadn't called, and there was no getting through the base was on lock down.

What did it mean?
Was this the beginning of War?

Dad had just put in his retirement papers, after 22 years of service time had been sneaking up on him. Would they be denied? Would I actually have to see my father go off to war? My brothers? Myself?

It was all too much, too surreal, and world shattering. I understand that.

I find what is happening now equally shattering, surreal, and disturbing.

Our economy is sinking deeper and deeper into a Depression state, banks are collapsing, unemployment is rising. We are still Dependant on oil in a way that is just unacceptable.

But more than that, in the last eight years our Constitution has suffered in ways that make the skin crawl. The Patriot Act, The Military Defense Act, The warrant less wire-tapping, are just a few of the transgressions which SHOULD have EVERY American in this country calling out for justice and change in government. But no. All this has passed in silence, we have allowed it and moved on with our lives, trusting the government to do "What's best"

And now we move further down the rabbit hole to fascism and world of V.

Now Military troops are deployed on U.S. soil. Our ancestors are crying out in RAGE and no one is listening!

How can we just stand here and let this happen? How can not a single national news station pick up this story, people should be nashing their teeth and massing at the door of their politicians with demands for reforms, with battle cries of revolt if things are not put to right.

I feel a deep need to DO something, so I'm going to write. As passive as that seems, it's all I can think of. I will write a letter for every week this atrocity to the American Ideal continues. I will write to everyone I can think of, starting with my CA representatives, all the way up to Mr. Bush himself. Maybe it will do nothing, maybe no one will read a single letter, but I can't let it go by without a word, without a cry.

I encourage everyone of my brother and sisters to do the same. I would hope that every American citizen would do the same.

There has been a lot of jib remarks of fleeing the country, of leaving these troubled waters behind us. And while I can see the wisdom in this...and indeed see the appeal of this in face of the storm clouds ahead. But I cannot imagine myself being able to abandon this country to the deviants that wish to pervert the integrity it once stood for. Some things are worth fighting for, and I believe America is one of them.

May the Gods Bless this Country,

Branwen

Autumn in the Wind

I love this time of year.

I was walking to school yesterday with my ipod on my awesome new CD of Pagan Bluegrass. That's right you heard me Pagan Bluegrass, and by the gods it's awesome check it out.

And I couldn't help but smile as this wave of happiness just lapped upon me. The sky was clear and that crisp cornflower blue that only seems to appear in the fall. The wind had the first chills tickling at your skin and I was able to wear a sweater and walk without oppression. The sunlight just seems particularly clearer in the fall, change is on the wind, and I just get excited!

Made me want to go up to the mountains where the leaves are turning their amazing colors and the scent of smoke wafts through the air of fireplaces being lit. Fall is the start of so many things I love so, Halloween, yummy soul warming food and drink, X-mas, it's just a warm exciting time to me.

Fall just exudes magic to me, I can almost see the Wild Hunt on the winds blustering around, you can just hear drums in the distance.

It's funny, Rabbit told me at our meeting that she felt I was an autumn/spring type of person, I was little taken by that, I'd never given it much thought really. But as usual I think she hit the nail on the head lol, summer can get sooo stressful and drawn, the sun can just soak all your energy out of you. And while winter has many wonderous sites, it can stick around too long and freezing all the active thoughts. For me I feel truly energized in autumn and spring.

So what's on the agenda this fall?

Today I think I'll clean and do some home warding, it seems like the right time to do so. I have an idea of using runes on the top of my front of my door, been having some issues with the neighbors and I'd rather not have their energy seeping into the house I worked soooo hard to rid of negativity.

This weekend I will be working on my Samhain outfit, along with others and their various projects.

I hope to have the house decorated for Halloween, we bought this really awesome skull fogger and I just want to continue farther and have the whole house jazzed up like my mom use to do.

Bake, Cook, and Eat! Lots of tasty tasty food. lol

Start X-mas shopping/construction, I have a very good idea of what I want to make for my mother and I want it to be made well magically and otherwise so I need to get kicking on that.

And I'd like to go camping before it get too cold.

So there a nice respectable list of things all well within the realms of possibility.

Go outside and enjoy the magic!

Branwen

Life is going from one crisis to the next.

That's what my grandmother said.

Seemed somewhat pessimistic and jaded coming from her time worn lips. She'd seen the days when money was scarce and jobs where precious, when fruits were given as treasures and everything had to be stretched. It scarred her, those days of the depression, it made a mark that would stay with her the rest of her life.

A mark that was made deeper by the years following, when the World took to War. No one was safe, there were new dangers around every corner. Her whole world became one of survival. She did that for the rest of her life, surviving. It was like pulling teeth to get her to enjoy herself, she would shake her head in wonderment at my purchases that did nothing but entertain. My habit of going to the movies every month seemed astonishing. She was always looking, always waiting for the bottom to fall out. The pantries were always over stocked, at least 2 spare of everything. We could eat off that pantry for at least two weeks.

I wonder what sort of scars time is leaving on me.

Morbid thing to ponder I know, but mortality seems to my constant companion lately. I saw the last years of my grandmother's life, up close and in 3D. I was the one she called when she needed to go to the hospital, when my uncle has taken to the bottle again, when the garbage needed to be taken out. When the chips were down and her age took precedent over her spirit she leaned on me. And yet...when the crisis was over, and the dust had settled I was just a kid a again and was helpless to make the changes needed.

There were a lot of things that I would have done differently in those last years, to make her life better, and more than just survival. If only they had let me have the power.

What's done is done I suppose.

But now the wheel turns and now I am faced with the death of my grandfather. He is dieing, and his time is short. I become the ban sidhe of my own family, ironic. Unlike my grandmother, I have no real relationship with my mother's father, other than blood and the love she has for him, which in itself is enough.

Once again I see the paralysis take hold of one of my parents, becoming a child herself. Unable to come to terms with the changing wheel. Not wanting to see the withering man that exists now, the psychological hold of the parent-child relationship is too strong to confront.

Maybe it would be different if she was there to see the struggle to get down the stairs, to realize the strain of obligation towards others drag on him so he relinquishes all thought of his own comfort. Would that help her see what she needs to do and take action?

I worry. My Grandfather will die. And my mother will see these...sad circumstances when it's too let, when there is no longer anything she can do. And it will haunt her. The same way her mother's death still haunts her. I know the voices that plague her... If she had stayed just a few days longer, she wouldn't have had to die alone in a place she did not recognize... I don't know if my mother is strong enough to live with such guilt twice over.

But she will not move, she fears his death and fears his disapproval.

Once again I am helpless, I can't reason with my Grandfather, he is little more than a stranger to me. And with every passing of the wheel I fear his grasp of sensibility gets looser and looser. My last chance to make my only surviving Grand-anything's final days the happy and comfortable ones he deserves lays in my Brother's hands.

I pray to the Dadga he has the strength and the wisdom to do what need be done. To see that someone must intercede on Grandfather's behalf and remove him from the life of servitude to progeny that never learned to care for themselves. A man of his age, of his health should not be working janitorial labor full time to support fully able bodied people. He should be surrounded by family who love him and will care for him, fishing with his grandson, and gambling the night away with his daughter.

I have born witness to the sorrow that not confronting the mortality of a parent can bring, and will bare the mark of those lessons learned. When the time comes and my own parents reach their twilight years, may my heart and mind be as clear as it is now, for no good can come of the denial of Death's hands.

Adventures with the wee beasties

Due to the aspecting preparation I have been doing lately. The sidhe have officially taken up residence at my house lol. I don't know that any of the other residence notice anything but I sure do. An influx of cats showing up on my porch and following me around, and in my experience's animals are almost always drawn to the fairy folk. The faint sounds of bells in the house , and most recently (and most evident in my mind) my glasses up and disappearing.

A few days ago I realized that I couldn't find my house glasses (i.e. the pair of glasses I usually leave by the computer to wear around the house so that I don't have to check my purse to see if I put glasses in it when I go out.) Searched high and low to no avail. They simply could not be found.

I wasn't panicked, I hadn't worn them out so the simply must have been in the house. My darling man joked that perhaps the goblins had discovered they were "head-bigger-makers" and had carted them off. I'm convinced he wasn't far off, the bells that I kept hearing in the house and my general penchance to talk about goblins made it entirely possible that they or the fairies had indeed found my glasses delightful.

After being annoyed for several days about the inconvenience of it all I decided to take matters into my own hands.

One of my lovely coven sisters directed me towards this charming chant:

Keeper of what disappears,
Hear me now -- open your ears.
Find for me what I now seek,
By Moon, Sun, Earth, Air, Fire and Sea.

I liked that as a starting point and made up a little plate of fresh baked cornbread covered in honey and a shot glass of milk. Went to my altar and lit my three wick candle (By the Sky, By the Sea, By the Land) centered and grounded myself and starting off with the first three lines of that chant entreated the goblins and fairies to return my glasses, offering up the libation and promising more for my item returned (in whole and working order) to me.

Went about my day of housecleaning not thinking much of anything, and then had to hurry to get ready to class. As I was about to rush out the door I thought I might need a jacket of somekind, my leather would be too hot. But I had a flash of imagery that I'd seen the corner of a sweatshirt at the bottom of my closet.

I rush in to grab and as my hand grasps the corner of that jacket what do I feel?

My glasses!!

Happy day, happy day!
Blessed are the sidhe and wee beasties!

Needless to say I can't recall the last time I wore that sweatshirt. I'm not really a sweatshirt kinda gal, but there they were right where I could find them.

Gotta think of something extra tasty to thank them for being such good little sidhe.

Blessing upon the sidhe!

Branwen

The Wiccan Warrior

As previously mentioned I am exploring the idea of "warrior magic" and all that entails (it is a rather loaded subject lol). Luckily one of my coven brothers had a book titled Wiccan Warrior by Kerr Cuhulain, which I borrowed have gotten half way thru, skimming the rest.

It is a interesting book, and one with good messages that I think ALL practitioners of any pagan faith (personally I think ANYBODY period) should read. He makes wonderful points on personal responsibility, a big issue to me that seems to be lacking in today's society. And I felt that his ideas for rituals and magical practices were very helpful. I was excited to see some one talk about braiding/knotting as a magical working as it is often over looked.

However there are many things that I feel were neglected in way of taking on a Warrior Path in your life. I will say that it may not have been the intent of the book to be a gateway to that Path. If it were my main issue is the self-centric tone of the book.

I applaud up and down anyone saying/teaching/preaching personal responsibility, but in the context of a "warrior" there is so much more than one's self. In the book this is because the root of the "wiccan warrior" is the Wiccan Rede : "Do as thou wilt, an harme none."

This is a rede, and philosophy that I will always have problems with, and why I will never be a Wiccan. My issue stems from they fact that the rede, and how it is applied in the book, is a rule. An unwavering guideline by which all your actions are to be judged. Rules do not bend, rules do not see circumstance, they are unmovable. Which is funny, since Kerr spends a great deal of time talking about how the "wiccan warrior" needs to be changeable and fluid, yet he attaches himself to such an fixed idea.

I'm going to state here and now, that I am not a pacifist. I firmly believe that some situations call for a use of force, I do not believe that all violence is morally wrong. That said I agree with Kerr that a warrior uses only as much force necessary to resolve the situation, and that in the society we live in now the situations were force is needed are extreme and rare.

I believe that to be a warrior, or to say you are one, is to say that there are certain things that you are willing to fight for. Indeed there are things that you are willing to die for.

Historically, warriors were not solitary. They had a tribe, a society, a clan that they were apart of, that they protected. That is an essential foundation to the warrior for me, to protect. Whether that be emotionally, physically, financially, a warrior is driven to protect.

When you reflect that against the rede, it doesn't mesh. The rede doesn't cover other people, in it's simplicity it deals only with the self and thus is somewhat contradictory to the nature of a warrior.

I felt that to be a book about a Warrior Path he needed to talk about connections with your social circle, and your duty to them. This can be as all encompassing as want to protect the rights of the less fortunate of the world, to as intimate as your family and friends. You need to have a loving connection with people that makes you want to be a better person for them.

I completely agree with Kerr that a warrior path is a constant betterment of ones self, through will and constant self-analyst. Were we disagree is in that drive, while you should want to make yourself better for your own sake that falls under a general healthy adult lifestyle to me. A warrior is driven further by their love and need to protect and up hold, either ideals and philosophy or just their special people.

So if the rede is too stoic of a rule by which to live for a warrior then what guides them? How do they make their judgments of morality?

A warrior needs a Code. A set of principles to which they are willing to fight for and strive to uphold in their everyday life. A Warrior Code isn't as rigid as the rede, it is a every changing goal to achieve. And as a thinking self-analyzing person that Code grows with you. It is not afraid to be challenged and reforged with new insight. It is up to the warrior to have the willpower to uphold themselves to their code, and there is great personal responsibility in that.

I would encourage anyone who is intersted in taking a Warrior path, to contemplate deeply on the princeples and ideals that they cherish above others. What do you look for in people that makes you respect them? Is is their honesty? Loyalty? Courage?

Once you've identified what qualities you value and what they mean to you, you can start to compose your own code. Think about different situations that may come up in your daily life and decide how you would like to handle them with those values in mind, and do it! If you value charity, does that mean that you give the man on the street money when he asks? Or does it mean that you donate money to organized cause? Volunteer? All of the above?

As I said, your ideas will change as you change but the point is to continue to try act in a way that you can look back without regret on your actions. It's a process but then if it weren't, it wouldn't be a living path.

*deep breath*

So if you managed to make it through all of that congratulations! I do have more to say on the book as there was one more important issue that I thought was lacking. But I feel that this point is valid to stand on it's own.

Next time on A Celt in the City, The Physical Warrior. Bound to be controversial lol!

Slán go fóill

Branwen

Of Bannocks and sewing projects

A lazy day, not a whole lot to really report upon but I was making another bannock yesterday (which went over well at my house anywho lol) and thought I'd share the recipe.

Lughnasadh Blueberry Bannock

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons white sugar*
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 package of fresh blueberries

1. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Cut butter into flour mixture with pastry cutter. Add buttermilk until dough is soft**. Stir in blueberries.
   
2. ***Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead for 5 minutes, or until smooth. Form dough into a 7 inch round. Place on a lightly oiled cake pan or cookie sheet. Cut 1/2 inch deep cross side to side. Score with cross 1/2 inch deep on the top.
3. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) oven for 40 minutes.

Those are the directions as was inscribe in one of my grandmothers many cookbooks. However I took a few liberties.

* I added about a tablespoon more sugar to mine to make it sweeter.

** I added the whole cup of buttermilk and then some. Personally I like my pastry to be on the moist side and anything less than that would make it a bit too dry for my taste.

*** I did not knead the dough. I hate kneading dough. Besides my added buttermilk made kneading a near possiblity. So instead I made sure to stir that dough good, with a nice sturdy wooden spoon. You want to encourage it to congeal into a round shape.

Then I turned it out onto the greased cookie sheet and lightly floured my hands, and shaped it nicely into the 7" round. I cut the slashes as the direction said, and sprinkled some sugar on top (what can I say I have a sweet tooth)

And Tada! One yummy dessert or breakfast piece to enjoy.

Well cooking aside I have a few sewing projects I need to get underway. If you know me, I generally like to try to make a new outfit for each sabbat. Well Samhain is the one I'm worried about now, I have a great idea for a fairly simple dress that I've always wanted to make. The question is can I get the image out of my head into the real world accurately.

Here is my design board so far:



I'm pretty positive I want it to be made from black linen, maybe a medium weight cotton. But a few questions remain to be answered. Will I be able to cut it out in two pieces as I desire? And what the hell am I going to do with the lacing?

The two piece thing I'll find out when I do the mock up, as well as if a single circle skirt will be enough flow for me. But the lacing thing... I dunno. I want it to be versatile so that I can wear layers under it and not, which makes grommets not really ideal. As grommets don't feel so nice against skin. I could hand cover the grommets with thread. But that's a lot of work. Or I could do eyelets but again that's a lot of work. Especially since I want to be able to lace it up at least down to slightly above the knee, so I could wear it in the mundane world and feel comfortable as well.

I may cop out and figure out a ribbon combination...hmm...must do some tests I guess.

Well that's about all that's happening in my world. Besides watching PBS and the Celtic Thunder concert yet again (I'm such a sucker for these things)

Ciao m'dears!

Branwen

Lughnasadh and Other things

Strange how on the days when the clouds and fog roll in are the days when I feel the most restless. Like I need to go out and DO something, which is odd because I don't like being cold and it is definitely chilly out there. I think if I could do anything today I'd go to the beach. Muir Beach or someplace similar where there are more rocks than beach and the cliffs dive off into the most beautifully haunting scenery. Have a bonfire and just listen to the waves. Hmm...really need to get a drivers license lol.

In any event, Lughnasadh went off fairly well I think. It definitely flew by me. I clearly recount, everything leading up to the ritual (I was very anxious to do a good job), but once it started time slipped away from me. It's happened before, usually when I'm painting, where I just get enveloped into the task/feeling and lose touch with the details and the time. Gotta say it was the first time I had a lot of speaking to do and it happened.

There was just a lot going on for me, and at the same time I wasn't thinking comprehensively. What I mean by that is, usually I'm a detailed thinker. This happens and then this because it connects with this and has the feeling of such and such ect. ect. ( I'm afraid some of my Wildflower brothers and sisters find that out at the planning session lol) But none of that was going through my mind at the ritual.

Maybe it's because I was warding and thus had to disconnect and engage at the same time, maybe it's because I called a Goddess who took an active interest in what I was up to, whatever the case everything was a blur. And I was amazing calm. I don't know if many people know this, I know that one of my coven sisters has witnessed it once but probably paid no heed. I get very nervous, when I was younger it was extreme stage fright and I couldn't really talk in groups. As time went by and I decided I didn't want to be the wallflower anymore I just sorta...well did the things that frightened me anyway. Remnants of that still remain, most noticeably my hands shake. Uncontrollably. In fact last Grove of Artemis when Rabbit told me I was to light the candles I had the damnedest time getting it done properly.

But not this time, not with Tailtu there. I don't even think there was a quiver in my voice, but I'll have to attested to others for that because well....I don't really remember clearly lol.

After the closing everything felt light and festive and just plain good. The Bannock was a hit, (at my house as well) and I got quite possibly the best compliment I could have imagined from a lovely Irishman that appears mysteriously at some of our rituals. He said I reminded him of his grandfather and told me all these wonderful tales and stories of childhood in Ireland, he was so charming and funny and he seemed genuinely impressed with the story of Delaney's Donkey I told that night. One of these days I will make it over there to Ireland, listening to him I felt so homesick for a place I've never been lol, silly me.

I truly enjoyed the group roundup after circle, I think that is something we should strive to do every circle. I like the evaluation, especially when so much of it was a blur to me. I was glad to find out that the ritual did run a little fast but it was hot, and that it wasn't completely my own reality of it. I was half expecting for ritual to be over and find out we had run long and then my head would have really been spinning.

I do love all my brothers and sisters, they are such special people. And they think I got some sort of something to bring to the table, and that is something I'll always treasure and strive to make them proud. So yay to everyone that is reading this, you know who you are, I love ya!

At some point though it hit me, this just plain old tired-ness. My feet ached as if I'd walked miles and miles, and really no matter how many time I walked around that circle that just didn't make sense. My throat felt hoarse and my whole body just felt like curling up into a ball and sleeping a very long uninterrupted sleep. And that is exactly what I did lol.

In the aftermath of it all, I got some very nice responses to my storytelling, so hopefully I won't be gun shy about it next time a story is needed and a traditional one just cannot be found. To go ahead to piece what we need together again lol.

Well now that I've gushed and probably made very little sense, I think it's time to get off the computer. I think I might go outside and pull weeds or something, this cooped up feeling is just not working for me.

Slán go fóill

Branwen

Lugh Lamfhada

Lugh the Long Handed, skilled in many arts, the friece striker, the boy hero, son of Ethnenn.

Thus are the many names of Lugh, High King of Tara after the mighty Nuada.

As Lughnasadh approaches it seems fitting to contemplate the nature of one such as he.

He has become more of a regular in my circle of deities, especially in recent years when I find myself plagued with thoughts of branching out my hobbies, and the constant thought of "I can make that!"

Being one of the more documented, and thus popular god of the Tuatha De Danann, I will direct you to the stories he can be found (instead of reiterating them):

Stories of Lugh

And will instead speak totally from UPG (Unverified personal gnosis ) with him.

He is a very bright presence. And that is not quantified to only mean a shiny yellow light of sun, as is the general theory of him as a "sun god". It is just brightness in all it's forms, that sort of glare and shiny that is to such an extreme it has no color.

Which confused me at first, as the majority of books had him pegged as a "sun god", and while I will admit he does love gold and shiny, that doesn't quite equal sun god to me. Further research unfolded a new theory and debate with Lugh's name/meaning/association that is best simplified in the Wikipedia of all places:

Lugh's name was formerly interpreted as deriving from the Proto-Indo-European root *leuk-, "flashing light", and he is often surrounded by solar imagery, so from Victorian times he has often been considered a sun god, similar to the Greco-Roman Apollo. He appears in folklore as a trickster, and in County Mayo thunderstorms were referred to as battles between Lug and Balor, so he is sometimes considered a storm god: Alexei Kondratiev notes his epithet lonnbeimnech ("fierce striker") and concludes that "if his name has any relation to 'light' it more properly means 'lightning-flash' (as in Breton luc'h and Cornish lughes)".^[14] However, Breton and Cornish are Brythonic languages in which Proto-Celtic *k did undergo systematic sound changes into -gh- and -ch-. This change did not occur in Irish, so it is unlikely that Lugh derives from the root *leuk-, nor is it related to any other Proto-Indo-European root connoting luminosity.

And despite the on-going archaeological and entomology debate, "flashing light" makes more sense to me, personally.

It seems to me that Lugh is behind my needing to do or make something when the thought of it takes on that sort of brightness.

I may have lost some people with that so let me try and explain. I am a very visual person, and so most of my thought process is a combination of storyline, emotion and pictures. Some ideas are dull and get thought of once and then thrown to the circular filing cabinet of my mind. Other's, the ones I associate with Lugh, won't go away. In fact I can't think of anything else because it's so bright, burning every detail into my head.

It was like that with the painting, that is currently hanging over my mantle. I HAD to get it out. There was no way I couldn't paint it because there would be no other image in my head till it was on paper.

And that painting happens to be one I'm most proud of. It seems a culmination of skill I didn't know I had at the time and am unsure that I still have often now lol.

I will admit that I haven't spoken to him often, or really directly. Just more of a feeling of his presence occasionally when I make him offerings ( usually to facilitate creativity and my career )

Like all the Tuatha he has a heavy joking side, I'm happy to say that my brief interactions with him have been of a congenial light hearted nature. Almost an older brother prodding you to do better, to do this or that. Actually that's an excellent description of my interactions with him, a jovial prodding. lol

I would like to work more closely with the God of All Skills, as it seems to be my lot in life to constantly dabbling in various skills and crafts of my own. Whether he wishes to work more closes with me is yet to be seen, he is High King who defeated the Fomirans afterall and as such I imagine would call out to those who truly were impressive people.

It would be interesting to me to talk to some folk that deal more closely with him. I plan to do a ritual for and to him, for help/guidance/blessings in the upcoming CAYA Laughnasadh/Lammas ritual and will no doubt blog further if anything of import occurs.

I know that in general the CR community is pretty hush hush about personal experiences with deity, very afraid to state anything UPG. But I'm encouraging it lol, in fact it is one of the goals of this blog to encourage it.

If you've had some experience I want to hear it, no judgment as everyone experiences and sees differently.

Oh and if anyone was wondering so far my offerings for Lugh have been whiskey (my standard fare for any un-introduced Tuatha) and oddly enough butter cookies. For some reason he really likes butter cookies.

Slán go fóill

Branwen

Quick Notes Before Bed

A few quick notes, more of a list really, of things I need to think about/do.

• Plan an informal gathering at either Becketts or Starry Plough for a Celtic/Norse story telling/sharing night.
  
• Talk to Jack about Warrior Magic
  
• Contemplate what Warrior Magic would entail to me.
  
• Gather 3 rocks BEFORE Sunday (harder than it sounds)
  
• Talk to Rowan about various spiritual things
• Research John Barley Corn
  
• Make Gypsy Tent more gypsy like
  

Lughnasadh planning went wonderfully, I think you guys are in for a very good ritual if I do say so myself.

But no more will I say my lips are sealed ^_~

Slán go fóill

Branwen

THE Meeting

Well I had the meeting with Rabbit today. The big meeting that everyone no matter how cool they acted were secretly anxious about, myself very much included.

It was a sorta checking in point now that we've reached halfway through this year and a day initiation. As usual Rabbit was very calming, insightful, and in general a great big help more than anything else.

She put to rest a lot of the niggling little things that like to pop into ones head and torment you. Such as whether or not you're on the right path as far as deity goes, are you fitting into the group at all or just floundering around without any real magical talent.

So I'm not going to worry anymore, about whether or not I'm not being open enough and that's why I haven't gotten any real connection with new Deity, I'm going to stick to what I know and work on those relationships I've already established.

I won't worry that I'm not as obviously magical as my sisters and brothers, every star shines different and I just happen to be more salt of the earth in my ways. Besides who can really see what they look like to others anyways?

I will just keeping walking, for really I wouldn't want to do anything else lol. And continue to remember that these, my coven family love me, and see in me something I may not always see but will always be, and in that I can and will trust.

I will contemplate and meditate more seriously on walking down the Dianic path in Rabbit's initiation. We had a good talk and I now know more where she is coming from and trying to take that path, and it's not all that scary or different than what I believe. I think I'll still grapple with it, even when I start walking it, but in the end I think it would be good for me to be comfortable with whatever it is that makes me uncomfortable in a completely female situation. Especially since hearing Rabbit's thoughts it has put my mind to rest that, at least in the tradition she is mothering, women aren't thought above all merely for the fact that they are women. It seems to be a lot about being comfortable being yourself with real sisterhood, and that's something I could use some working on.

I will end this on the note that whilst I typed these affirmations of my path and self, I heard a hawk cry. I must say I've never seen a hawk in Berkeley and went out on my back porch in time to see it give a cry and fly in between my house and a neighbors.

That must be a good sign, hey? Hawks are generally though to be bringers of clarvoyance and clear-sighted-ness, especially in my tradition. I will take it as a blessing of those decisions I reached today and thank the Gods for sending it.

Till next we meet,
Branwen

A Cloudy day and a new start

As tends to happen on those wonderful gray days when the sky takes on a tint of blue and the greens looks so wonderfully green, I've been doing a lot of self reflection and with some inspiration from a coven sister of mine have decided to start a blog to help express my current spiritual path.

I suppose every beginning needs an introduction so here we go. My name is Branwen, I'm a Celtic Re-constructionist and a initiate in a wonderfully new and open Wildflower Tradition started by Rabbit with the CAYA Coven.

My Celtic roots span back to my childhood when my father gave me a storybook of the King Arthur Legend and needless to say it has stuck with me in almost all things in my life. I first learned about Celtic Recon in Highschool and realized "Hey! That's what I'm doing!" It appeals to my historic nature with all the active scholarly learning and reading as well as to the basic life lessons and codes that I grew up with in my Marine Corp household.

My first real "experience" with the Gods was about four years ago, till then I had just been paying homage, and soaking up as much information as possible without really worrying about whether or not I was being recieved. Well...recieved I was lol.

My mom was to be having some pretty major surgery and was very stressed at the time, she was convinced that her angels (She is a big angel spiritualist) where giving her ominous signs. Her figures where falling over and such, and she wants me to come over and see if there was a spirit in her house and in general keep her company.

Well...I felt no spirit other than the general energy of the house which can be somewhat spazzed because of my mothers natural energy, but that night I had a dream. In it was a stone necklace, I don't remember the particulars only that this stone necklace was important. Right before I woke up a voice, calm and melodic as if someone was whispering in my ear said:

"Remember Danubrite. Danubrite."

I woke up feeling nothing out of the normal rolling the word around on my tongue with the knowledge that this Danubrite was a stone I needed to have. The morning proceeded without incident, and as I set down to check my e-mail I thought I'd look up Danubrite, just to see if it really was a stone.

Danubrite : A highly spiritual stone that activates the intellect and higher consciousness, linking into the angelic realm. Excellent for facilitating change and for leaving the past behind. Helps people get along with others and to change recalcitrant attitudes. Stimulates the third eye, crown and the higher crown chakras and aligns the heart chakra to these higher crown chakras. Clarifies the Aura and promotes lucid dreaming. Brings patience and peace of mind.


When I related the story to my mum, she was insistant on finding herself a chunk of that stone lol. So we went off to Grass Valley where there are mineral shops abound and I convinced my mom to stop in at the Sacred Bee, a lovely pagan shop I had heard of but never gone.

With my highly dubious mother (she believes in Angels and anything Silvia Browne says but try and take her to a pagan shop and suddenly she looks at me funny) to ask the very helpful clerk about the stone. He hadn't had much experience himself but he looked online and it appears the stone has a habit of calling out to people, he also told me that I was pronouncing it a little off and that the scientific spelling was Danburite (dan-ber-ite).

That was what struck me, because I distinctly remembered the voice saying dan-oo-brite.

After getting over the shock of having a dream that made itself so tangible, and my brain kicked in I realized that it was a more than just the stone, but a message of whom it was from.

Danu is the mother goddess of the Irish gods that I had been paying homage to for years.

I take that incident as a sign that I am in fact on my correct path and that my efforts are appreciated.

I don't really consider myself extremely magically talented, especially when compared to all the wonderful people and friends that I have met in the last year with CAYA coven. I don't do spell work often, and my personal practices are usually incorporated into everyday things like cooking and sewing, my artwork ect.

But I feel that I am growing spiritually, I'm learning so much from my new coven family! It's all very new to me as I have not study much of the Wicca that the CAYA rituals are based on, but it's so very nice to have a community. And just to celebrate with other people brings such a depth to life that only adds to my own personal rituals.

Well this turned into a very long post lol. I hope to post more, I think it will help to put my thoughts down.

What I plan to use this blog for is reflection on my spiritual path in and outside of the Wildflower Collective, share my various rituals, spells/recipes and what not.

Till we meet again,

Branwen